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I'm almost 29 years old.....


Well, after reading some of these old posts, it looks as though I survived some of the hardest parts of my life...and look at me, I'm still standing. Guess things do get better with time. I still have the people I love (and that love me) around me. I feel as if I have acomplished a lot, bit not nearly enough.....hopefully there is something more exciting in my future.

Stay tuned....

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Didn't you know...


I remember the way you made love to me
Like I was all you'd ever need
Did you change your mind
Well I didn't change mine
Now here I am trying to make sense of it all
We were best friends now we don't even talk
You broke my heart
Ripped my world apart

Didn't you know how much I loved you
Didn't you know how much I loved you, baby
I gave you everything, every part of me
Didn't you feel it when I touched you
Didn't I rock you when I loved you, baby
Baby, tell me
Didn't you know how much I loved you

I can't get you out of my head
I still feel you in this bed
Left me all alone
You couldn't be more gone
From falling apart to fighting mad
From wanting you back to not giving a damn
I've felt it all
I've been to the wall

Didn't you know how much I loved you
Didn't you know how much I loved you, baby
I gave you everything, every part of me
Didn't you feel it when I touched you
Didn't I rock you when I loved you, baby
Baby, tell me
Didn't you know how much I loved you

One day justice will come and find you
And I'll be right there in your memory to remind you

Didn't you know how much I loved you
Didn't you know how much I loved you, baby
I gave you everything, every part of me
Didn't you feel it when I touched you
Didn't I rock you when I loved you, baby
Baby, tell me

Didn't you know how much I loved you
Didn't you know how much I loved you, baby
I gave you everything, every part of me
Didn't you feel it when I touched you
Didn't I rock you when I loved you, baby
Baby, tell me
I gave you everything, every part of me

I caught myself


Down to you
You're pushing and pulling me down to you
But I don't know what I
Now when I caught myself
I had to stop myself
I'm saying something
That I should've never thought
Now when I caught myself
I had to stop myself
I'm saying something
That I should've never thought of you of you

You're pushing and pulling me down to you
But I don't know what I want
No, I don't know what I want
You got it you got it
Some kind of magic
Hypnotic hypnotic
You're leaving me breathless
I hate this I hate this
You're not the one I believe in
With God as my witness

Now when I caught myself
I had to stop myself
I'm saying something
That I should've never thought
Now when I caught myself
I had to stop myself
I'm saying something
That I should've never thought of you of you
You're pushing and pulling me down to you
But I don't know what I want
No, I don't know what I want

Don't know what I want
But I know it's not you
Keep pushing and pulling me down
But I know in my heart it's not you

Now when I caught myself
I had to stop myself
I'm saying something
That I should've never thought
Now when I caught myself
I had to stop myself
I'm saying something
That I should've never thought of you
I knew, I know in my heart it's not you
I knew, but now I know what I want, I want, I want
Oh no, I've should have never thought

hello my old journal


crazy...i just rememberd that i had this thing...well. i'm at work and i can't wait till 5:00 oclock!

uugghh

blah


gosh...i'm an emotional wreck today. i wanna cry for everything. I can't stop thinking about my abuela and how much i miss her, and how i'm never going to see her again.I can't stop think about her birthday is the same as mine, just one year ago we celebrated it togother. It still hurts really bad.

Even stupid pictures of stupid people that i don't know make me all teary eyed.

i'm an emotional wreck this thursday:(

Just Walk away.....


i think sometimes we all feel like this....this song has been on my mind the last few days.Dunno why...but yeah


I was naive, your love was like candy
artificially sweet, I was deceived by the wrapping
Got caught in your web and I learned how to bleed
I was prey in your bed and devoured completely

And it hurts my soul cause I can't let go
All these walls are caving in, I can't stop my sufferin'
I hate to show that I lost control
Cause I, I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need
To walk away from
Yeaah...

I need to get away from you, need to walk away from you
get away, walk away, walk away. . .

I should have known that I was used for amusement
Couldn't see through the smoke,
It was all an illusion
Now I've been licking my wounds, but the venom seeps deeper
We both can seduce, but darlin' you hold me prisoner

Oh, I'm about to break, I can't stop this ache
I'm addicted to your allure, and I'm fiendin' for a cure
Every step I take leads to one mistake
I keep going right back to the one thing that I need
Oh, I can't mend this torn state I'm in
Getting nothing in return, what did I do to deserve
The pain of this slow burn
And everywhere I turn,
I keep going right back to the one thing that I need
To walk away from


I need to get away from you, need to walk away from you

Every time I try to grasp for air
I am smothered in despair
It's never over
Seems I'll never wake from this nightmare,
I let out a silent prayer. . .
Let it be over

Inside I'm screaming, begging, pleading no more

Now what to do, my heart has been bruised
So sad but it's true, each beat reminds me of you

i guess its a new chapter....


wow, i havn't really written in awhile, but i sure does help when i do.sometimes i feel like i don't really have someone to talk to.or maybe its because i don't wanna hear what they'll say.i dunno.

But lets see....Alfonso...he is fantastic, i mean beside his little prison background.LOL,i know WTF?! right...i'm still a little nervous about the whole thing, i know i care about him, but i dunno....something it still holding me back.Maybe its michael.I'm so nervous for him to find out, and i don't know why. i don't wanna hurt him. i love him still, but i dont want to be in a relationship.Its time for me to move on.

I have been realizing alot of things in life, letting go of some anger.I have been really nice to Matt latley, and its me being totaly honest> i really wish sometimes i could have met him in different circumstances, maybe things would have been different.He just got me so mad sometimes! but i realized it wasn't my relationship to be upset at him about.that was all Gabes. and i guess it just hurt me to see gabe be soo upset, but deep down i know gabes true feelings,and thats all that should matter.I'm sorry for being such a bitch. cause i know i was. I'm a different breed man....lol. but i'm a good person,promise.

but any who...i'm going to go play guitar hero.

peace out.

give it up


i'm going to do and say whatever i feel like saying
don't question why
not every one see's things your way
so give it up
i don't question why you cant let go of stupid shit
so don't try to change my mind on how i view my life and the decisions that i make
take a look at your self before you judge me and everyone else
your a depressed man with no hope beside that of love
LOVE Sucks
its not going to happen by fighting until you die
so give it up
you have gone through alot you say...
well so have i...and everyone around you
in real life, nobody gives a shit
so stop trying to lecture me on how hard your life has been
congratulaions
i still don't give a fuck
so just give it up
and stop bringing me down with you.

Call me when you're sober


Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

Should I let you fall?
Lose it all?
So maybe you can remember yourself.
Can't keep believing,
We're only deceiving ourselves .
And I'm sick of the lie,
And you're too late.

Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

Couldn't take the blame.
Sick with shame.
Must be exhausting to lose your own game.
Selfishly hated,
No wonder you're jaded.
You can't play the victim this time,
And you're too late.

Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

You never call me when you're sober.
You only want it cause it's over,
It's over.

How could I have burned paradise?
How could I - you were never mine.

So don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
Don't lie to me,
Just get your things.
I've made up your mind.

Fix you.....


When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you





*hug*...for you my friend